Here is baby sister, Sawyer.

Wow, it's been quite some time...

I originally started this blog to keep track go my weight loss following my lap-band surgery. So let me just catch you up.
Lost a bunch of weight, met a cute boy, fell in love, got married, had a baby, got cancer. In that order.

So I'm thinking I'm gonna shift the focus of this a bit to chronicle my growing baby girl and my road to a full recovery from cancer.

It's been so long, I'm gonna have to figure out how to use this again. So gimmie a few, and I'll get some pics together.

Weight a minute...

I had a fill on Monday. I was beginning to eat everything in site and had no problem with it! He added 0.5 this time. I have no idea how much is in there, because he never measures it. This was my third fill and I am down 69 pounds! I can't believe I have made it this far. I still don't see myself as a smaller size.... I got rid of 17 pair of jeans the other day. I had some major anxiety about giving them away. Now I have 1 pair of jeans hanging in there. I've decided not to buy anymore clothes until summer. Still not sure about a bathing suit. I tried on my one from last summer and it's just not gonna work!

Road Block

I had a fill appt on Friday. After seeing how much weight I had lost my surgeon suggested we wait for a fill. Which I totally agreed with, I had been so tight I could take about two bites of food and was done. Well here I am a week later and I have very, very little restriction. I can eat almost anything I want and have gained 2 pounds........ So I am thinking of calling and asking for a small fill. I'm not sure if he will do it or not, he is very conservative when it comes to fills. I'm calling TODAY!!!!!

I did it!

So I weighed myself this morning, even though its not my official weigh day......and...drum roll please..50lbs.... This is a major goal! The sad thing is though, that I've lost 50 lbs and I'm still fat. But I'm getting there. If I can do 50 lbs in 4 months then another 30-40 should be a breeze!! Right?

Why don't I spell check?

Bad Girl

So I guess I am officially the worst blogger ever. I have to say that the past few months have been crazy. There is this ex-or soon to be ex husband that I am trying to deal with and dating has never been so hard...How do explain on a first date that you can only take 2 bites of food? OHHH this steak is so good...however if I eat more than 2 bites of this delicious morsel I might vomit?!?!?!?WTF?

I have had a total of 3 fills at this point. I have an appt on the 30th but I will not ask for a fill. As of today I am down 49 lbs....in4 months.. I am so excited. I can't wait till I can say 80 lbs. that is only another 30ish lbs!!!!!! So when I go for my visit how can I explain that in no way shape or form do I need another fill? I went to Williamsburg last weekend to visit my bestest friend and could barely eat anything. It was kinda depressing. I actually got a bit mad with my band. Is this a normal feeling????I just wanted to have fun and PIG out......Well I soon realized there will be NO pigging out. What. so. ever.

I am curious as to what restiction feels like to the rest of you. I always thought I would feel like I ate Thanksgiving dinner over and over again. But thats not what it feels like to me. I have a permanent golf ball in my throat. If I try to push any bit of food in there past that golf ball..well..here it comes right back up! So the past week I have taught myself to put the f**king fork down and breathe between bites. 2 little chicken nuggets.....we're talking 45 minutes . I can't complain almost 50 lbs down and starting to feel good about myself. And then there is the ex husband who continues to lie even though it doesn't matter anymore. He already ruined my and my little babies lives once..I will not let that ****er do it again!!!

I am doing my best to stay positive, be positive and live positive. It is a work in progress. I have spent sooooo much time being negative and feeling sorry for myself, I'm sure what else to do. I'm trying anf I'm sure if I live it I will be it....eventually.