Bad Girl

So I guess I am officially the worst blogger ever. I have to say that the past few months have been crazy. There is this ex-or soon to be ex husband that I am trying to deal with and dating has never been so hard...How do explain on a first date that you can only take 2 bites of food? OHHH this steak is so good...however if I eat more than 2 bites of this delicious morsel I might vomit?!?!?!?WTF?

I have had a total of 3 fills at this point. I have an appt on the 30th but I will not ask for a fill. As of today I am down 49 lbs....in4 months.. I am so excited. I can't wait till I can say 80 lbs. that is only another 30ish lbs!!!!!! So when I go for my visit how can I explain that in no way shape or form do I need another fill? I went to Williamsburg last weekend to visit my bestest friend and could barely eat anything. It was kinda depressing. I actually got a bit mad with my band. Is this a normal feeling????I just wanted to have fun and PIG out......Well I soon realized there will be NO pigging out. What. so. ever.

I am curious as to what restiction feels like to the rest of you. I always thought I would feel like I ate Thanksgiving dinner over and over again. But thats not what it feels like to me. I have a permanent golf ball in my throat. If I try to push any bit of food in there past that golf ball..well..here it comes right back up! So the past week I have taught myself to put the f**king fork down and breathe between bites. 2 little chicken nuggets.....we're talking 45 minutes . I can't complain almost 50 lbs down and starting to feel good about myself. And then there is the ex husband who continues to lie even though it doesn't matter anymore. He already ruined my and my little babies lives once..I will not let that ****er do it again!!!

I am doing my best to stay positive, be positive and live positive. It is a work in progress. I have spent sooooo much time being negative and feeling sorry for myself, I'm sure what else to do. I'm trying anf I'm sure if I live it I will be it....eventually.