Road Block

I had a fill appt on Friday. After seeing how much weight I had lost my surgeon suggested we wait for a fill. Which I totally agreed with, I had been so tight I could take about two bites of food and was done. Well here I am a week later and I have very, very little restriction. I can eat almost anything I want and have gained 2 pounds........ So I am thinking of calling and asking for a small fill. I'm not sure if he will do it or not, he is very conservative when it comes to fills. I'm calling TODAY!!!!!

I did it!

So I weighed myself this morning, even though its not my official weigh day......and...drum roll please..50lbs.... This is a major goal! The sad thing is though, that I've lost 50 lbs and I'm still fat. But I'm getting there. If I can do 50 lbs in 4 months then another 30-40 should be a breeze!! Right?

Why don't I spell check?

Bad Girl

So I guess I am officially the worst blogger ever. I have to say that the past few months have been crazy. There is this ex-or soon to be ex husband that I am trying to deal with and dating has never been so hard...How do explain on a first date that you can only take 2 bites of food? OHHH this steak is so good...however if I eat more than 2 bites of this delicious morsel I might vomit?!?!?!?WTF?

I have had a total of 3 fills at this point. I have an appt on the 30th but I will not ask for a fill. As of today I am down 49 lbs....in4 months.. I am so excited. I can't wait till I can say 80 lbs. that is only another 30ish lbs!!!!!! So when I go for my visit how can I explain that in no way shape or form do I need another fill? I went to Williamsburg last weekend to visit my bestest friend and could barely eat anything. It was kinda depressing. I actually got a bit mad with my band. Is this a normal feeling????I just wanted to have fun and PIG out......Well I soon realized there will be NO pigging out. What. so. ever.

I am curious as to what restiction feels like to the rest of you. I always thought I would feel like I ate Thanksgiving dinner over and over again. But thats not what it feels like to me. I have a permanent golf ball in my throat. If I try to push any bit of food in there past that golf ball..well..here it comes right back up! So the past week I have taught myself to put the f**king fork down and breathe between bites. 2 little chicken nuggets.....we're talking 45 minutes . I can't complain almost 50 lbs down and starting to feel good about myself. And then there is the ex husband who continues to lie even though it doesn't matter anymore. He already ruined my and my little babies lives once..I will not let that ****er do it again!!!

I am doing my best to stay positive, be positive and live positive. It is a work in progress. I have spent sooooo much time being negative and feeling sorry for myself, I'm sure what else to do. I'm trying anf I'm sure if I live it I will be it....eventually.

I think..maybe....

I just left the doctors office and got my second fill. He told me to eat soft foods the rest of today. So I get home and fix some mashed potatoes and lo and behold have only been able to eat about 5 bites. 5 little bites. We'll see how the rest of today goes, but I feel like this is a good sign!!!!!

Ready

I've been so busy this week, I've barely noticed my hunger... No not really! I was on call Tuesday and of course was called in due to JCAHO inspecting our hospital. So now I am working 3 days in a row plus Sat, which is great cause I need the $$$$!

I have an appointment Friday for my #2 fill. I just am so unsure of what is happening in my belly. If I eat too fast or anything bread or doughy I feel like an elephant is standing on my chest, but then it passes and I can continue to eat. If I chew slow enough I can eat just like I did pre-band. So I am guessing that this is NOT restriction...Right? I just can't wait to feel restriction and start losing again. At this point I keep losing and regaining the same 4 pounds. I was hoping to be in onederland by Christmas. I am praying that this fill will help!!!!!

Limbo

It's 2 weeks since my first fill and at first I thought maybe I had restriction, but i was wrong, wrong , wrong. The first day or so I did eat less, ut not much less. Now I really never have a feeling of fullness.The only thing I feel is a terrible someone sitting on my chest feeling if I eat to fast. However if I eat slowly I can eat whatever and how much ever I want. My second fill is not until Nov 18th. Hopefully that will do something. Right now I keep gaining and losing the same 4 lbs. SUCKS!!!!!

This is 30 lbs down.